Single Isn’t the Struggle

I’ve been thinking about how we treat singleness like it'ssomething to fix — and how wrong that is. So I wrote something honest and personal about what it actually gave me: peace, clarity, and freedom. I hope this resonates.

Everyone’s always checking on the single friend.

“You dating anyone yet?”

“Don’t worry, your time will come.”

“Girl, just keep putting yourself out there!”

It’s exhausting — not because I’m offended, but because it’s based on the assumption that being single is a struggle. That it’s a sad, pitiful phase I’m supposed to survive until someone picks me.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Being single wasn’t the problem.

Trying to prove my worth to the wrong man was.

I’ve been in situationships where I was stressed, anxious, drained, and constantly doubting myself. Smiling in public and spiraling in private. And yeah… I used to take relationship advice from friends like it was a team project — but whew. The older I get, the more I realize some of those friends were just repeating patterns they hadn’t even healed from. Friends who grew up watching toxic love, who never learned how to sit with themselves, who thought chaos meant passion. That’s another blog post for another day, but let’s just say: not all advice is rooted in wisdom.

So when I finally got out of all that? It wasn’t sadness I felt. It was peace. Stillness. Freedom. I stopped waiting for a text back and started listening to my own voice. I stopped shrinking myself to seem "chill" and started asking, “What do I actually want?”

And let me tell you — that question changed everything.

Because I realized that I don’t want to beg for crumbs in the name of love. I don’t want to be someone’s project, placeholder, or peace prize. I want partnership, not pressure. And until something shows up that adds to my life instead of draining it? I’m good.

Singleness isn’t the struggle — it’s the season where I came back to myself. Where I realized how full my life already is. I’ve got joy. I’ve got clarity. I’ve got peace. And I’ve got time. Time to rest. Time to create. Time to become.

So if you’re out here single and starting to question yourself, let me just say this:

You’re not behind. You’re not broken.

You’re just becoming.

And that’s not something to rush through — it’s something to honor.

If this hit, share it with your single bestie. We deserve better than survival mode.

Xoxo,

Stephanie Rachelle